Lucy: 9 months

Lucy: 9 months!

Lucy is 9 months old and cruising through life like a champ. She weight 18lbs 10oz and is 27.5 inches in length. Out of our three girls, Lucy is in the lead by 2 lbs on growth at this age.

Lucy has a smile that lights up the room. She loves people... everyone she sees is blessed by her smile and giggles. She watches with such passion as her big sisters ride bikes, swing on swings, climb monkey birds, read and play. 

The past few weeks she has been focused on learning to walk; she cruises around holding onto to furniture, but daily takes a few unassisted steps.

She loves games. She raised her hands as we say "how big is Lucy?? So big!"  She enjoys clapping and playing peek-a-boo!

We can't believe how fast time is going...we love every minute with our Lucy and love watching her grow and develop.

In happiness,

Kathleen 

To my last baby...

Dear Lucy,
I write this post as I sit with you asleep in my arms. It's a peaceful moment and one I want to document for you. The past few days have been emotional for me as I started to see signs of the need to supplement with formula in your diet. Your nursing sessions and  my milk supply has decreased during pumping sessions. I knew this day would come...I just didn't expect it for a few more months.

My heart aches and it full of mother's guilt. I tried so hard to achieve a full year of breastfeeding with you.  The demands of a full time career (outside of being a mom) with a constant need to be on the go and in meetings has added challenge into maintaining several pumping sessions while away from you.

Life doesn't always go as you plan and you will constantly be thrown curve balls. How you manage them is what is important. Making the decision to supplement is what is important for you at this time.

XOXO

Lucy Anna Thomas

Lucy Anna Thomas: Baby Thomas 3

This is the story about how we welcomed our third daughter into our family. Tim and I welcomed Lucy Anna into this world on Tuesday, December 20, 2016 at 8:30 am. She entered this world weighing 6 pounds, 14 ounces and measured 19.75 inches in length. She is just as beautiful as her big sisters.

The days and weeks leading up to my planned c-section were mainly uneventful. Around Thanksgiving, I started experiencing Braxton-Hicks contractions and thought for sure I'd go into labor early as I did with Amelia and Clara. Lucy had other plans 😊.

I woke up early the morning of the 20th (well I  hardly slept). Tim's mom arrived around 515am and we left for the hospital shortly thereafter. Tim wanted a coffee so, we stopped at Wawa. I enjoyed the quiet and still neess of the cold December morning. I knew this would be my last baby so, I was sure to take in every moment as we prepared for Lucy's birth.

I checked in at the front desk and was escorted to the labor prep room. I met my nurse and we bonded over our name as it's not very often I meet another Kathleen. She asked a series of questions, hooked me up to the monitors and informed me at 7am there would be a shift change. Tim and I had been through this before so, we felt comfortable with the upcoming procedure.


At 7am in walked nurse Sharon. I recognized her right away. She was my postpartum niesw with Clara. I remembered liking her a lot and felt at ease. Dr. Chastney arrived right on time at 745am to review the section with me. With his very social attitude, he joked about the John Carlin skit of  the stars singing all I want for Christmas by Mariah Carey. For any of you who know Dr. Chastney, you can picture his bubbly personality discussing this.

After my prep, I walked down the hall to the OR. Walking myself to the OR was a new experience for me. With my previous sections, I went into labor and naturally. Walking to the OR seemed surreal. So, here I go...just stepping up on a step stool ready to have my belly cut open. It was cold!!! Even though I had two other sections, I was scared! I kept trying to practice my deep breathing and picture myself on a mountain. I visualized chatting with my dad. Visualizing this calm and peaceful scene put my mind at ease. 

Once they were setup to being the procedure, Tim entered the room. He held my hand and we talked about all the amazing things we have going on in life. It was a nice and memorable. Having a c-section is nerve wracking...it's a major surgery and with each one, I needed Tim to help me focus on other things. 

And then at 830am I heard " she is absolutely beautiful! You guys made an adorable little girl". Words cannot do that moment justice. It was amazing. After Lucy was cleaned up, Tim left with her and the nurse to get situated in the postpartum room.


Shortly after my procedure was completed, I was wheeled to the recovery room where I wad reconnected with Lucy and Tim. Tim's parents were taking care of Amelia and Clara for the day so, Tim and I were able to relax a bit and enjoy the time with our new little one.  I remember on Thursday a.m. I woke up and I turned on some Christmas music and I knew that it was going to be a great day I knew that if I set my mind to be positive and to avoid the external stressors the day would be great there was nothing I could stand in the way. Clara spent the afternoon with me and Lucy. We enjoyed watching some Christmas movies, playing games and eating cookies. 

I was discharged on Friday my body was physically healing well I walked out of the hospital (without a wheelchair) with Clara, Lucy and Tim and we drove to Hillside to pick up Amelia.  Our life as a family of five was beginning.

Christmas 2016 was very merry for us. We are excited to watch Lucy grow, learn and be a part of our family.

xoxo,

Kathleen

It's So Hard To Say Goodbye...

It's So Hard To Say Goodbye...

"How do I say goodbye, to what we had the good times that outweigh the bad I'll wave them back..."  The lyrics of Boyz II Men popped in my head as I pulled up to my childhood home in Upper Darby for the very last time on August 17th. After much debate, I made the decision to go visit my childhood home for a little bit of closure. After my dad's sudden death I didn't go to Upper Darby very much... I guess just the thought of going there without him there was too much for me to handle so I avoided the house altogether. 

So I made the last minute decision to go the night before my mom's move. I arrived in the late evening with my three daughters in tow. I wanted them to be there and see the house for the very last (and for the Lucy, the first) time.  I walked around the house and thought back to some fond memories of major events: moving there in 4th grade, block parties, grade school and high school friends, college, my wedding day, etc... When I visited the basement, it was odd not seeing all of my dad's tools, yard equipment, etc...the only remaining item was an old workbench that we've actually got for my grandparents house. But, when I closed my eyes, I could picture my dad standing there at his table saw.

The house was more than four walls, a floor and a roof. It was a home to me...a safe place. A place filled with memories both happy and sad. I remember the friends (both lifetime and season friends)  that were a big part of my life during those seasons. They are apart of my past and a part of who I am.  I can vividly remember the day we moved in to our home June, 1988 when Melissa and Patrick were anxiously waiting outside to met the "new" neighbors.  My sisters and I were excited to have friends around our age to play with. I remember many nights of bike riding, tag and kick the can with the neighbors, my wedding day and unfortunately, the day I was called home to find out my dad was gone. Those are same of the memories that are wrapped into the place we called home.

231 you always be in my heart thank you for giving me a home. I'll leave this blog with one final quote my favorite quote from the movie Hope Floats..." Beginnings are scary endings are usually sad but it's the middle that counts the most.  If you find yourself at a new beginning just give hope a chance to float up because it will."

XOXO,

Kathleen

They say its your birthday...

Happy 63rd Birthday!

Happy 63rd Birthday to my Dad in Heaven!  Not a day goes by without us missing him.  

This post is a way to share the memories of my dad with my daughters. I don't want this post to be a long rant about how tough life can be but rather focus on the positive of it.  Yes I do miss my dad dearly and grieving his death has definitely given me different perspective. It has now been six years-six and a half to be exact and as I write this post I realize that I have many blessings and the blessings stem from my childhood. I wouldn't be the person I am today without the guidance that I have gotten from my dad. Was he perfect? Was he the president of the United States?  Was he a saint?  The answer to all those questions is no, but to me he was someone I admired.  Every morning I wake up and I thank God that I have today I often think that my dad woke up on January 24th 2011 and knew it might have been his last unfortunately I'll never know for sure. But today on his 63rd birthday I smile and I think of the moments with peace and comfort.

I remember our drives to the Poconos. I remember meeting him for lunch just a few years back. I remember him ordering and iced tea and a hot dog from the vendor carts as we sat on a bench outside of the University of Pennsylvania and talked about life. I remember in college when I realized it did not want to be a bio major anymore and I was afraid to tell my dad because for 21 years I spoke about being a doctor he didn't discourage me and he didn't make me feel bad about my decision to change what he did was he helped me he went with me to meet with my College advisor and determine the best path two graduating and having sex with life I remember my dad always being there when I needed him most I spent two and a half years of going to classes downtown after work and to make my commute in the nighttime hours safe he would call me and talk to me as I walk to 30th Street Station I remember my last class on December 7th 2010 I was in a rush to get to the train station and I didn't call him until I had gotten there and he said to me Kathleen I was really hoping you would have called because I wanted to pick you up tonight and drive you home this may seem like such a small minor thing for me that was enough. I didn't need material things in life what I needed was to know that someone cared and that is exactly what I got from my dad those are the exact things that I mentioned above that I learned to carry with me as a parent what I want to do is provide my girls with the life knowing they have parents that are always there no matter what so today as we celebrate my dad's 63rd birthday I've raised a glass and I celebrate the hard-working man the life that he had the life that he create it for all of us and I say thank you for him the things I have today would not be possible.

Till me meet again, Papa xoxo

A Final Farewell

A Final Farewell

In just a few short hours we will all say goodbye to Phil's hill--a place that holds the very heart and soul of our dad. For as long as I can remember, my dad talked about owning a place on a mountain. He enjoyed wildlife, fishing, hearing birds chirp, trees and the quietness of the mountains.




Summer 2012

He finally got that wish in 1999/2000 when he purchased 10 acres of land in the mountains north of the city of Lock Haven, PA. he spent many weekends travelling 4 hours to build the cabin he wanted. In December 2010, he took his last trip there (unknowingly), locked up the house for the winter with hopes to return in early spring and finish building the inside.  Spring 2011 came, the tree leaves bloomed, the grass grew, the birds chirped, the animals came out of hiding, but Phil did not return. Left behind were tools, coffee beans and mugs, boots and other miscellaneous items.

Stream by Phil's Hill

Over the past four years, it was visibly difficult for any/all of us to visit Phil's hill. I know for me, the thought of moving his tools and other belongings was too much to deal with emotionally. So, I chose to avoid everything including his mountain property. I went once in the summer of 2012 and being there was too much-I left without a desire to go back and face the reality. My mom recently made the decision that it was time for us to sell the place and move forward with positive and happy memories of the times we spent there.

Last family photo at Phil's hill

This past weekend my sisters, mom and I sat at Phil's hill with a mixture of emotions that ranged from laughing with happy memories of past trips to sadness to have to let go of such a monument of our dad.  This past weekend was special though. It was a special time for us all to bond and hold close our own personal memories of a great man that was lost four years ago. My sister's and I spent Friday sorting through items, selecting which  we wanted to bring back to our own homes and remembering the fun trips we had in the past.

I took as many pictures as I could, listened to the sound of chirping birds, smelled the mountain air, touched each wall of the cabin and  breathed in as much of the present as I could, took one last look around and quietly left. As we pulled out of the driveway, I watched the house fade in the side view mirror,  I quietly sad goodbye to my dad.

Ideas for the house

Ideas for the house

Cardinal

Siblings

Last view of the hill

Many of you may not understand the pain and heartache that follows the death of a parent--it's unexplainable. Visiting Phil's hill one last time gave me the opportunity I have been looking for the past four years--the opportunity to formally say "goodbye". Till we meet again Papa... XOXO.

Phil happy as can be on his new mower

Note: Written July 2015.

January: a time of change

A Time of Change...

January is the month when we are ready to take on the new year by setting goals and resolutions. It's the month when we look at the year past...happy times, sad times, negatives and positives and hope to foster change for the year ahead.

January 2011, I set three goals for myself: enjoy being a first time mom, lose the baby weight in preparation for my sister's spring time wedding and achieve some DIY home projects. I was the stereotypical 30 year old woman.  The first few weeks of January were not easy. The holidays were over, everyone was back at work and I was home--alone--with a newborn (with the occasional visitors) but, I knew this was my "new" life and I couldn't complain. I had a bundle of joy who stole my heart.

On Monday, January 24th, my resolutions and goals faded away when I received the unexpected news of my dad's death. A death that has left a heartache that could (and would) not be healed. Over the past four years, I have dreaded the month of January. I wake up each year on January 1st filled with anxiety and fear. I spend each day wishing I could hide in a corner until the month is over.  I go through each day in a daze and asking myself if there was something I could have done to change the outcome and think about would I would say, if I could talk to my dad one more time.

Half way through 2014, I promised myself I would change. I knew it wasn't healthy for me to continue life in such unhappy mood. I promised myself I would change the way I viewed the world and the death that has changed me. As the year drew to a close, I knew the biggest challenge would be the month of January. Slowly, I am getting over the anxiety of fear that I have felt the past three years during the month of January.  I have hope and faith that in time I will continue to heal.

It's amazing how in the blink of an eye, life can change forever. I wake up each day and remind myself that I need to live for that specific day: to do my best at work, to be thankful for my husband, for the two little girls that call me mom, my family and so much more.

There are two things my dad always said and I will carry with me each day: "Be thankful you woke up today because you never know when it will be your last. " and "Life's a piece of shit, so, always look on the bright side of life!" (He loved that song from Mighty Python").

 Today, there will be tears, but through them, I will promise to look at the bright side of life.

Kathleen

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. I'll always be with you. ~Winnie the Pooh